A period of change...

1995 was a beginning of sorts along with many complete endings. Some beginnings of endings too.

I was the beginning of the end of my partying. When I finally quit cocaine successfully. I left a wife somewhere in Colorado and many other Life shifts began that year.

In all the transition was a positive one that I never thought I could achieve. I didn't do any of it with confidence, grace or courage. Still I could feel the past dieing behind me and all around me the things that I had held onto for so long now didn't look as appealing to me as they had in the past.

My first son David was now a young adult. The next three (Christian, Jessica & Larry) were all on the brink of change too. I had completely missed that stage of David's life, did not want to miss theirs. My 5th child Joseph was just a cute funny little kid full of smiles still.

I was out back in my shop locked inside shooting cocaine all weekend long. I had just missed out on yet another weekend with them and I was well on my way to missing "that stage" with them too. I looked at myself in disgust, so I asked for help.

I went into the apartment and gathered around them for an important "talk", they were very uncomfortable with this whole conversation. I was scared myself...

I started out the conversation with "Kids your father is an idiot and if you ever see any sign of me being stupid again I want you to call the police on me right away." They all echoed "Dad, you didn't do anything and we still love you", almost every comment from them was on those lines until I said firmly "Shut the fuck up! You can't be that stupid so don't try to sell me that bullshit. You knew I was doing drugs and you deserve better than that and I'm asking you to help me become a better father. I am also asking you to never accept anything from anyone that is less than what they can provide and you deserve".

Well that didn't go down too well and I think it was because by now they couldn't trust that I could stop.

It took a few months of them seeing me there with them, no more late night rides. No more crashing at 8:00 till noon time and ignoring them and a new trust was forming between us.

I posted these songs because I remember listening to with them often during the process of the changes.

Thank you for letting me croak on,,,
Dave

The Verve Pipe - The Freshmen (acoustic) on iTunes



The Wallflowers - One Headlight (Acoustic version)


The Wallflowers - one headlight



Live - All Over You (Live At Paradiso)