Andy Pratt still has it...

Mister Pratt you still kick it up. Keep em coming. I love this version!

Andy Pratt, Avenging Annie live on On Stage, July 9th, 2009....

 

Ignorance of the law is no Excuse!

I’m Under Arrest for What?

Fifty Bizarre U.S. Laws

By: Annie Tucker Morgan, from DivineCareOnline and found ---->[here]

I’ve (Annie) never claimed to have extensive knowledge of U.S. legislation throughout history, but it’s safe to say that I and most people I associate with are law-abiding citizens … or not. As it turns out, every state in this country has at least one wacky legal stipulation that could land residents in hot water if they don’t comply. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Alabama
It’s illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church. "That's understandable"

Alaska
Whispering in someone’s ear while he’s moose hunting is prohibited. "Blame that one on Sarah Palin"

Arizona
Cutting down a cactus may earn you a twenty-five-year prison term. "That's more than understandable"

Arkansas
It’s illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas. "Bill Clinton's one great submission to Arkin'saw"

California
You may not eat an orange in your bathtub. "Least not alone anyway..."

Colorado
It’s unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor (Denver). "That was a typo, real law reads you caint loan one to yer neighboring state Near-Braska cause they're already stealin the water and enough has gotta be enough"

Connecticut
A pickle cannot actually be a pickle unless it bounces. "Good law cause every REAL man has a right to bounce his pickle in Connecticut"

Delaware
It’s illegal to get married on a dare. "It's stupid too, them Delaware wimminses are ugly as all hell"

Washington, D.C.
It’s against the law to post a public notice calling someone a coward for refusing to accept a challenge to duel. "That law was made only to protect the cowardly politicians"

Florida
If you tie an elephant to a parking meter, you must pay the same parking fee as you would for a vehicle. Northern Girls ride Harley's and say "come on", Southern Girls ride elephants and say "Y'all come-on"

Georgia
It’s illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless you draw the shades first. "That's to keep them good ol' boys from molestiatin them manikins, I'll buy that"

Hawaii
All residents may be fined for not owning a boat. "That's understandable"

Idaho
A man must not give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing fewer than fifty pounds. "That's a damn good law, it would save me a lotta money"

Illinois
It’s illegal to take a French poodle to the opera (Chicago). "Good law"

Indiana
The value of pi is 4, and not 3.1415. "Yea and 4+2 is four'an a half"

Iowa
One-armed piano players must perform for free. "Great law!"

Kansas
It’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits (Natoma). "Yea but it's still legal to beat the s**t of the wimpy little-four eyed-funny lookin bastards!"

Kentucky
Every citizen is required to take a shower once a year. "That's understandable"

Louisiana
Biting someone with your natural teeth constitutes simple assault, but biting someone with your false teeth classifies as aggravated assault. "Aggravate a toothless woman and you might get bitten, who cares?"

Maine
If you keep your Christmas decorations on display after January 14, you’ll be fined. "That's understandable"

Maryland
It’s against the law to wash or scrub a sink, no matter how dirty it is (Baltimore). "Shows how them hicks think down there, don't it?"

Massachusetts
No gorilla is allowed in the backseat of any car. "Front seat is still legal if yer married to her tho"

Michigan
A woman may not cut her own hair without her husband’s permission. "Funk thinks that law autta become a Federal Law and straighten out them wimmin with the funny haircuts"

Minnesota
It’s illegal to paint a sparrow with the intent of selling it as a parakeet (Harper Woods). "Sell it as a chicken then, dumbasses...."

Mississippi
Walking a dog without dressing it in diapers is forbidden (Temperance). "Bull-Shit!"

Missouri
Children may buy shotguns in Kansas City, but not toy cap guns. "Thank You N.R.A. for that one"

Montana
It’s a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail. "That's one fine-assed law and very understandable"

Nebraska
Bar owners may not sell beer unless they brew a kettle of soup simultaneously. "One reason why I quit drinkin beer"

Nevada
It’s illegal for men with mustaches to kiss women. Hence the old sayin "If it's legal it aint no fun"

New Hampshire
It’s forbidden to sell the clothes you’re wearing to pay off a gambling debt. "That's the stupidest law I ever heard of. How you gonna play strip poker that way?"

New Jersey
It’s against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season. "That's understandable"

New Mexico
Females may not appear unshaven in public. "ha-ha-haaa~~"

New York
While riding in an elevator, you must talk to no one, fold your hands, and look toward the door. "So's they can rob you and remain unidentified, great law!"

North Carolina
It’s against the law to sing off-key. "Ya hear that mister Achy-Breaky Heart?"

North Dakota
It’s illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on. "Only if you do it in that exact order though"

Ohio
You must honk the horn whenever you pass another car, according to the state’s driver’s education manual. "Yea and you should flop him the finger too, just to be polite"

Oklahoma
It’s forbidden to take a bite out of another person’s hamburger. "Cool!"

Oregon
State law requires dishes to be drip-dried. "That's understandable"

Pennsylvania
It’s illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. "That's understandable"

Rhode Island
You may not bite off another person’s leg. "Why the Hell not???"

South Carolina
If a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, he is required by law to keep his promise. "Unless he had his fingers crossed"

South Dakota
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. "That's understandable"

Tennessee
Selling hollow logs is strictly forbidden. "That's understandable"

Texas
You may not shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel. "Understandable considering it's the only law they have against shootin anything or anyone"

Utah
It is illegal not to drink milk. "That's understandable"

Vermont
Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. "Cause they cost so much"

Virginia
Tickling a woman is unlawful. "Unless she's yer cousin"

Washington
It’s illegal to pretend that one’s parents are wealthy. "Great law, helps weed out the undesirable and trailer-park trashy ones"

West Virginia
If you make fun of someone who does not accept a challenge, you risk a six-month prison sentence. "Pussies!"

Wisconsin
Unless a customer specifically requests it, margarine may not be substituted for butter in a restaurant. "That's understandable"

Wyoming
Unless you have an official permit, you may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April. "That's understandable, let em have sex in private dumbass"

This Court Is Adjourned
Whew! With all this legislation, it’s a wonder we’re not all sharing a prison cell right now. Granted, something tells me the Los Angeles Police Department has bigger fish to fry than popping people who dare to eat oranges while bathing, and that most people who saw me catching some shut-eye on top of a fridge in Pennsylvania wouldn’t call the cops on me, but you never know when you might come across that rare whistle-blower who wants you persecuted to the fullest extent of the law, so it’s probably better to be safe than sorry. The next time I tie up my elephant at a parking meter in Florida, I’ll be sure to bring a pocket full of quarters.

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Cigarettes may likely save the planet from distruction!

New Eco-Friendly Cigarettes Kill Destructive Human Beings Over Time

From America's Finest News Source The Onion News Network, June 1, 2010 | ISSUE 46•22

RICHMOND, VA—Executives at Philip Morris USA this week unveiled Marlboro Earth, a new eco-friendly cigarette that gradually eliminates the causes of global warming and environmental destruction at their source.

"By killing off the No. 1 threat to the environment, new Marlboro Earths will have a long-term effect on the overall health of our planet," Philip Morris spokesperson Janet Weiss said. "If everyone in America does their part and joins our new green-smoking movement, then together we can eradicate man's destructive practices once and for all."

According to a press release from Philip Morris, the new environmentally friendly cigarettes work by employing powerful carcinogens that accumulate in the lungs of smokers, slowly breaking down their vital organs and eliminating the danger posed to the overpopulated planet by the human race.

Because Marlboro Earths take decades to work, the company stresses that people should start using them as early as possible, ideally during childhood or adolescence, in order to maximize the product's effectiveness.

"We've got to get everybody on board, the sooner the better," said Weiss, stressing that nothing less than the fate of the planet was at stake. "It doesn't take much. As few as two packs of Marlboro Earths a day can make all the difference in the world."

"Go ahead," Weiss continued. "Light up, breathe in, and help save Mother Earth."

<-- Enlarge photo

An environmentally conscious smoker does his part to make a difference about once every 20 minutes or so.

Although industry research indicates people do offer some secondary benefits to the planet, such as recycling programs and wind power generators, studies have concluded these efforts fail to offset the disastrous potential of humanity.

According to Philip Morris, Marlboro Earths are the first green product to address that threat head-on.

"Wildlife habitat encroachment, climate change, the exploitation of precious natural resources—they can all become a thing of the past," said James Freedman, a member of the marketing team tasked with branding the new product. "Smoke these cool, clean Marlboro Earths every chance you get, and you'll reduce your carbon footprint to zero in no time."

Added Freedman, "Plus, you'll look really sophisticated and glamorous while doing it."

The new cigarettes, released in limited test-market cities over the past two months, will be ready for a national rollout in mid-June. An ad campaign with the slogan "Marlboro Earth: Saving the Environment One Customer at a Time" has already been launched, and the product's iconic new packaging, which is similar to the traditional Marlboro design but also features a tree, is reportedly testing "through the roof" with consumers.

In initial product trials, the eco-cigarettes have proven popular among smokers.

"I leave work three to five times a day to stand outside and help the environment," said longtime smoker Sam Davies, an office worker in Raleigh, NC. "And the best thing about them is they make saving the planet incredibly addictive. After only a few hours, I get the uncontrollable urge to go out and help the environment some more."

Philip Morris executives stressed that the new cigarettes, which contain the same great taste smokers have come to expect from Marlboro, but with nearly three times the tar and carbon monoxide, could make a huge difference in as little as 40 to 50 years, cutting down on urban sprawl, overpopulation, and eventually helping to enrich the soil with powerful fertilizers.

NOTE: This is not "stolen" from The Onion News Network, it is only shared from them for you to enjoy from me. What you really want to do is go there yourself and see the rest of their great stuff.