Advice from Funk...

After years of requests I finally decided to offer advice online. I figured that this way I could offer my advice for commonly asked questions and give useful advice in a wide range of area's to more people without havin to type as much.

For advice you can email me at FunkingDave@gmail.com. Please keep in mind I'm not very bright and my life is probably more messed up than yers before deciding to take my advice.

These are my most recent requests...

Dear Funk,

I am a beautiful Canadian woman. We have chatted before, you might remember my name as (name removed for privacy concerns). I'm writing because I have concerns. All I can do is think of you. I dream about you every night at least three times. I can't go a moment without fantasizing about you. I even dumped Biff because he was getting in the way of me dreaming about you.

My question Funk is "Is this really-really screwed up? Can you help me please?"

Dear Beautiful Canadian Woman,

I understand your urges and they are quite normal. Biff was a wimp and it's good that you dumped him. Your urges are not that uncommon, as a matter of fact I get these questions asked to me by six to eight other wimmins every day and my answer is always the same. It's ok to love the Funk Hon because The Funk loves You too Babe.

Take off yer dress and get all sexy and call me, we can talk this out.

Next one wasn't really a question but I answered it anyway...

Hey Funk!

I'm dumpin yer fat lazy ass. I can't stand you anymore and I know you talk to other girls online and watch lesbian porn films. You are a jerk and you know it!

I met a new man, a real man named Biff and he's tough and he spends almost all day in the shower naked with other real men (except when he's on the feild playing football), and he wears tights, bright blue tights with sexy yellow stripes up the sides of them and he burps and calls me his "Buddy". You never gave me any emotion, you never wore tights for me. You are not a man, Yer a funkin piece of (censored) & I hope you cry all day over this.

Dear Dumpin,

You go Hon. I could never offer anything close to that for you.
I'm sorry and unless I forget to I'll miss you a real big lot.

Third one & last for today...

Dear Funk,

I'm a bow legged hot bisexual redheaded lesbian nurse with freckles and 44-DD's and my girlfriends are French Maids that wear miniskirts with high heels and go bra-less. We all want you so bad but we know we can't afford you because we live in France, Russia and Germany, oh and Binkie lives in Sweden.

What should we do? Should we split up and come each one at a time to be with you or should we all get second jobs and save up to be with you together?

Dear Bow & Bi

Hon I could never live with myself if I split you lovely ladies up. Your relationship is far to important to jeopardize for just one night each with me. I think you should get second jobs and sell your cars and most of your clothes and come out together and spend at least a month with me.