Sunday, May 30, 2010


In wild eyes on eyes I see some that's hidden there. Something not for me to see. Decisions made impossible. Not fair that I should see, still is my job to watch and seek as a parent, my duty. On other terms, opposing that it's my job to step away. It's a time so far passed, yet close enough that I remember most and feel. The privacy behind the eyes so strong, the mask, the need, the needs.

A victim of learning, fears exposed need privacy. Time to iron and sew and stitch. To mend whats wearing thin. The gift to show and only show what will be as can be. Not the building or the broken stones. The effort needed to build it right. Not the show, not when it's so new and so difficult to build using what's right here right now.

Those wild eyes see some of what's hidden in mine too. I hide so much better because of time. My eyes seem just as wild I'm sure and my face is made of stone. I'm no offer of forgiving. I'm no bargaining or trade. Even though I remember it all, have been through it all. I am not going to budge, wish I could but know I cant.

What my eyes hide is different as is the way I hold my face. It's face it-fight it or fuck it now but don't ever try to cheat. Decision only is to look away and walk away or to stay but still don't look. The next one is by far the worst. It would be to go inside and look inside and to deny him his own strength.

I admit I'm scared beyond myself. I love him so much it hurts. Today or ever with words it cannot be shown that way. I have to be a better man, more understanding and wait while he struggles through. Allow him to become a man with the gifts he has and with my faith have faith in him

Who am I talking about? None of your fucking business. It has nothing to do with you in any way.

It's my concerns and I am talking with God and Jesus, that is all.

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